Tâm sự buồn khi tôi ngã vào vòng tay cậu em đồng nghiệp do quá thiếu thốn bên chồng
Từ trước tới nay, trong mắt mọi người tôi vẫn luôn là người phụ nữ đoan trang, hiền lành, sống đúng mực. Tôi được mọi người quý trọng và yêu thương cũng vì thế. Vậy mà giờ đây, chỉ một chút nông nổi, tôi đã đánh mất tất cả, tôi đã khiến người ta không chỉ khinh mình mà còn dơ xấu cho các con vì có một người mẹ chẳng ra gì.
Chúng tôi cưới nhau đã hơn 10 năm. Cuộc hôn nhân của tôi lẽ ra là hạnh phúc nếu như khoảng 3 năm trở lại đây chồng tôi không mắc bệnh. Tình cảm thì vẫn vậy nhưng sự gần gũi thể xác không có. Nó là nguyên nhân khiến chúng tôi cứ một xa dần nhau.
Cuộc hôn nhân của tôi lẽ ra là hạnh phúc nếu như khoảng 3 năm trở lại đây chồng tôi không mắc bệnh. Tình cảm thì vẫn vậy nhưng sự gần gũi thể xác không có. Nó là nguyên nhân khiến chúng tôi cứ một xa dần nhau. (Ảnh minh họa)
Tôi và chồng có với nhau 2 đứa con. Các cháu đều ngoan ngoãn, học giỏi, là niềm tự hào của bố mẹ. Chồng tôi từ trước đến nay vẫn là người hiền lành, yêu thương vợ con. Tôi chẳng có gì để phàn nàn về anh cả. Vậy mà, 3 năm trở lại đây, tình cảm vợ chồng tôi nguội lạnh chỉ vì bệnh tình của anh.
Chồng tôi mắc bệnh phải điều trị một thời gian dài. Công việc bận rộn kéo theo những lo lắng về sức khỏe khiến anh chẳng mặn mà gì việc gần gũi vợ. Tôi chỉ mới ngoài 30 tuổi, tôi cũng có những ước mơ và mong muốn của riêng mình. Vậy mà chồng tôi thì không hiểu, ngày nào đi làm về, ăn cơm xong anh cũng sang phòng con trai để làm việc rồi ngủ luôn bên đó. Có hôm anh ngủ lại ngoài phòng khách.
Tôi chỉ mới ngoài 30 tuổi, tôi cũng có những ước mơ và mong muốn của riêng mình (Ảnh minh họa)
Tôi cũng đã từng nói với chồng về việc này nhưng anh không hiểu ý tôi. Anh bảo giờ đang mệt mỏi với công việc, chẳng có tâm trí đâu, mà anh còn trách tôi hay nghĩ ngợi nhiều. Là phụ nữ tôi không dám mở lời về những mong muốn thầm kín của mình. Tôi cứ thế chịu đựng… để rồi giọt nước tràn ly…
Cách đây 1 tháng, công ty tôi có tổ chức chuyến đi du lịch trong 4 ngày. Tôi muốn chồng đi cùng để có chút thời gian cho nhau, dù sao các con cũng đã lớn, có thể gửi cho ông bà trông giúp. Vậy mà… chồng tôi không đi, anh nói ngại với những người không quen biết ở đó. Mặc cho tôi thuyết phục thế nào anh cũng không đi.
Vậy là một mình tôi với tâm trạng bức bối, khó chịu. Nó là nguyên nhân khiến tôi ngã vào vòng tay người đàn ông khác. Cậu ta kém tôi tới 7 tuổi, còn chưa lấy vợ. Buổi liên hoan tối xong, mọi người đi hát hò, tôi có uống chút bia. Sau đó mọi người gán ghép, trêu đùa nhau. Có hơi men trong người, lại thêm giận chồng nên tôi cũng bốc đồng. Hậu quả là tối đó, tôi lên giường với cậu em đồng nghiệp đó.
Có hơi men trong người, lại thêm giận chồng nên tôi cũng bốc đồng. Hậu quả là tối đó, tôi lên giường với cậu em đồng nghiệp đó. (Ảnh minh họa)
Thực sự tôi biết mình sai nhưng cái cảm giác được gần gũi, yêu thương bởi một người đàn ông đã khiến tôi mụ mị. 4 ngày du lịch ở đó, tối nào tôi và cậu ta cũng đi riêng với nhau. Tôi không rõ có ai biết chuyện này không nhưng thời điểm ấy tôi cứ như một người đàn bà nổi loạn, muốn bất chấp tất cả.
Sau khi về, tôi mới bắt đầu hối hận và sợ hãi. Nếu cậu ta nói ra hoặc có ai đó biết thì tôi phải giấu mặt vào đâu? Hàng đêm nhìn chồng và các con yên giấc tôi lại thấy sợ. Tôi đã phá hủy gia đình của mình theo cách đó. Lẽ ra tôi nên tâm sự thật hết với chồng để anh thay đổi nhưng tôi lại không dám. Để rồi sau đó tôi lại có cái gan làm điều tồi tệ ấy.
Tôi có nên nói với chồng mọi chuyện để lòng được thanh thản dù cho anh có thể sẽ ly hôn?
Theo Dung Như (Khám phá)
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